Does it feel like in the 21st century everyone has suddenly become an excellent detective!? While fictional, Sherlock Holmes was driven by justice, but in reality, what is driving our amateur sleuthing? While there may be many reasons, socially or emotionally, the biggest driver for most of us is perhaps this well-known feeling we call: jealousy.
While Theodore ‘Tedy’ Roosevelt once said ‘Comparison is the theft of joy’, we may in fact feel better with a rush of endorphins or self-approval after rummaging through the profile of an ex or their new loved one and analysing everything from tattoos to ankles or their dinner.
Social media stalking
A recent study found that 88% of us stalk our ex or the new partner of an ex on social media, which can hold the same grip as drugs or alcohol. This may be why we become so addicted to social media stalking as we often feel better about ourselves for that little moment of satisfaction, but what happens if we feel inferior? We won’t feel good and insecurity kicks in.
While the pleasure from feeling superior may last a day, it certainly takes more than a day to get over feeling inferior and insecure – which may lead to a downward spiral. So why torment ourselves and risk this upon us?
Where does it come from?
Jealousy is certainly a powerful force, and it typically manifests itself through our own insecurities. In an advice column for the Telegraph, relationship expert, Sarah Abell encouraged readers to stop “indulging your insecurities”. Giving into temptation and providing food for your insecurities may end up eating you alive!
Deeper still, there may be other issues leading you to jealousy. Take time to explore underlying triggers and causes, sometimes it may childhood trauma or past relationships. A common theme is people who have been cheated on, which later find it hard to trust new partners and bring this insecurity into the relationship. It’s imperative to know where these trust issues come from to help you grow in your love life and personal connections.
If you have had feelings of jealousy lately, then consider having an open discussion with your partner about how your feeling and why you think you are feeling this way. While talking calmly, always express yourself honestly and never place any blame on your partner.
Talk it out
When you start to have any feelings of jealousy or insecurity, talk it over with your partner or a friend before any negativity takes over. It’s important to note that often jealousy can change who you are and make you difficult to be around, so try to prioritise open sharing with someone who can set you straight and provide an outside perspective.
Lastly, consider writing it out. Have you ever tried to write a letter to yourself or keep a diary? Not only is it a perfect way to vent and release negative energy, but you can also keep track of your feelings and identify any trends or triggers.
Written exclusively for WELL, Magazine Asia by Peter Eric Jobson