Finally Pregnant

Over a hundred pregnancy tests later, there it was. Finally, I was pregnant. And I could not have been more disappointed by my reaction. More often than I wish to admit, I had pictured this scene while daydreaming at work. It would start with me crying for joy in the bathroom, followed by me bursting through the doorway to jumping with excitement into Wolf’s arms, reaching a crescendo with a Baby Mama dance on the coffee table in the living room. 

But instead I was in total shock, sitting on the toilet in our apartment in the middle of Tai Kok Tsui, holding a pee-covered stick and without a husband to celebrate with. The Eldorado of becoming a mom suddenly became very real. Was I … were we ready to become parents? We had tied the knot a year before, but was our union strong enough to last through the years? Was twenty-eight too early to pause a corporate career?

I snapped a picture of the result on the digital display to prove to whoever may question my sanity. I was indeed 1 – 2 weeks pregnant. They are a few testimonials available on pregnancy forums narrating the tales of those unicorn women falling pregnant on their first round of Clomid, but never in a million years, would I have dared to imagine being one of them! 

Wolf was out of town visiting a factory in Mainland China about three hours’ drive north of Hong Kong, completely unsuspecting of the developments in our apartment. Would he end up being the one throwing the much anticipated Baby Mama dance? If he had a beer in-hand, maybe. Will he be upset that I did not call him straight away? By the second drink, most likely not. 

I left the bathroom and followed my usual routine and commute to the office with a strange, out-of-body sensation. As if I was witnessing myself from above. Standing against the automatic doors in the overcrowded MTR train, I kept looking at the photo on my phone, enlarging the picture to check I didn’t dream the moment in the bathroom. As the stations went by, one thought ran on repeat in my head “there is a life inside me”.

Lots of love,

Marie Leopard